He was a national. It should not be that she should just accept this if it makes her very uncomfortable and resentful. Of course, most couples choose to still keep personal accounts, but they will have a joint account to save money for bills every month. But as of now, he spends more on supporting them than himself. He's supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs. I earn more than him (55k),he's on 30k,and we want to buy a house, throw a wedding (we've only said our vows so far) and save for kids. If he was using a small portion of his income for this commitment, i might have been more comfortable. After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession writing. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we have talked about a future together. You've only been with him a year, so i wouldn't get involved any deeper with him til this is resolved. However, my boyfriend will still need to support his family. He always told me it was 300,because apparently that's an easier amount to accept. I would clearly ask what he expects and I would state your concerns, and if things don't change to a livable situation that does not end with a married couple with their own lives and privacy like you want, then end it. We have talked about his parents dependance on him and that i am not comfortable and have issues with it. Therefore, it is critical to understand why your character matters more than you think. OP needs to figure out if she's the one to give this dude the wake up call or back off completely. Helping men financially, I think makes and gives them a sense of irresponsibilty. One that accepts you too quickly is also a big no-no. It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped. Advice: He Keeps Helping His Ex | Psychology Today You know what I am talking about. You will be able to tell if your husband is using you financially if you notice any of the signs that are listed above. He also knows that youre concerned about how his parental support will affect your future together. If he or she is on the fence, here are some signs that your partner has a pair of toxic parents. We are now paying their rent, so that the rest of them can afford to buy a house. He's obviously going to expect you to take care of his share and needs if you're going to be living somewhere nicer than a basement, unless he has plans to cut the cord one day but you didn't mention that. When Its Workable:If your man has recently changed directions, graduated school or been laid off, give him a break. For example you can say that you're volunteering and get . Obviously welfare is not a lot of money so he will have to still support them. It's very okay to support your boyfriend financially. Or any other mistakes they make. Start looking now at what the price range would be for an apartment with the assumption that each of you will pay half the bills. Did you like this article and find it useful? Recently, the ex-wife has fallen on times so hard that she and her children were likely facing eviction- and she asked her ex-husband if he could help her financially. Keep up with Brenda on Instagram, Twitter and badassliving.com. First, you've only known him for four months. "My Boyfriend Still Financially Supports His Ex-Girlfriend!" Social media platforms are filled with images of perfect bodies and unattainable beauty standards, leading to negative impacts on the self-esteem of individuals. My boyfriend's always supports his family, how can I handle this? If you're together as a family and want to grow I dont see how you'll be able to when he's already supporting one family and living in a basement to do it. His income is barely covers his outflow. Make sure the source is set correctly and that CORS support is enabled. Started Thursday at 10:05 PM, By Give him a reasonable time frame and pay attention to his dedication and energy level. Sure, some couples cope fine. I Financially Supported My Ex Throughout Our Relationship & It Destroyed Us. Dear Penny, My longtime boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s. My bf and I have discussed getting engaged within the next few years, which has made me begin to think of EVERYTHING in our relationship - not just the "love" part. We worked it out after, but still. If the mom truly has financial issues that stem from emotional problems, i could see whre he would say "we will give mom $150 a month for x amount of time" or whatever, but she shouldn't be treated like his wife or child being doled out money. Your boyfriend needs to set firm boundaries here. That could make it difficult if he wants to buy a home at some point, especially given that he already has student loans. If you know that your spouse doesn't have a savings account, its a sign that hes financially irresponsible or has experienced long-term money issues, both of which are just going to add to your reasons that hes using you. So it is a big decision. Hes Reckless With Spending Your Money, 5. No, Im not talking Todd English-style dishes and floors so clean you can eat off of them (though, both would be nice). 2 minute read. Typically, if you feel as if your significant other is using you, he probably is. If your spouse expects you to pay for everything, they will have gotten so used to it that theyre taking advantage of your kind ways by never even offering. I feel like most responses are going to say - you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drinkif he's still doing this at 27(almost) then either get over it, or find another man but I can't just get over itand I really want to try to make this work.. if his parents are divorced and she got nothing or his mom is widowed and he is the only child, he might feel guilty or obligated. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to . It's the complete opposite for men. Supporting Your Man Financially? Here's What To Expect - MadameNoire If hes not fighting for something as important as his career, how can you expect him to fight beside you when the going gets tough? Unfortunately, our website is currently unavailable in your area. Dr. Buckingham. You can't meddle in his financial affairs at this time. You shouldnt ever stay in a marriage that doesnt make you feel appreciated, loved, and happy. I have a good income, own two properties (live in one and rented the other) and not a bad savings. It's got 10k in it so far. I have more in my savings than he does and lately he has been VERY nasty towards me saying things like, "well if you were more motivated and weren't so bad at saving money we wouldn't have to live with my mom anymore" I feel that this is not the case, but he is unwilling to see or except ANY of his faults (another big red flag) How come it is OK for him to give his mom money and cater to her needs/sugar coat EVERYTHING for her..but he is so mean, nasty and down right just hard on me? He pays for 85 . He has no savings or own property because of bad financial decisions that has left him $50k in the hole. Tell him that she can get roommates if she doesn't want to live alone, and she can learn to live within her means rather than depending on the two of you, but you are just not willing to live in a situation where you support her for the next 30 years because you have other goals like getting married and having kids etc. Although it might be difficult to come to terms with the fact that your husband could be financially abusing you, its important that you deal with it straight away, as soon as you confirm thats what hes doing. boyfriend financially supports his family 16 .. Your personality influences everything from the way you make decisions to how you respond to challenges and opportunities. My financial situation is significantly better than his. Parents need to find a way to support themselves, either with jobs or welfare checks. It just happened that when one of us was single the other one was not. Marrying him would be a gigantic mistake. The blood is thicker than water approach is going to get in the way of your long-term love, warns Estes. And completely unsustainable. A lot of men will also try to control the money of their wife or use a woman financially because they cant deal with the fact that a woman is more financially stable than they are. What you need to hear is some concern for your feelings. We've had a lot of problems in our relationship, and even though we really love each other, I doubt the compatibility of the relationship. I guess, what I'm asking is: is it wrong for me to want that 350 to be saved for our future instead of a family that only uses us? 2. Problem is, his family are always asking for money, and no matter how much it is, he will give, even if he / we can't afford it. There is a difference between honoring your parents and not having boundaries with your parents. He makes the bed, you dust the tables. Giving more money to one child isn't just a monetary issue. how is that affecting what we have? Woman Says Boyfriend Expects Her To Support Him Financially Since She People often assume that in a heterosexual relationship, the man should be the main breadwinner. Parent-adult children relationships like these always mean the child's spouse come second. 17th May 2021. My Husband Uses Me Financially (13 Alarming Signs) - Her Norm if mom walks into their bedroom while they are in there asking for money, the boundaries stink. However, if your boyfriend isn't helping you out financially and you need assistance, there are things you can do to get what you need. Her boyfriend was financially unstable and wanted her to support him. Full disclosure I'm pretty cynical. Are you the breadwinner in your relationship but feel like your spouse is taking advantage? I am not saying to feel sorry for him or to pity him. Love knows no boundaries, and it is not unusual for individuals of different ages to fall in love. and don't want her living with you in a group family situation and consuming a lot of the family budget. The societal norm of being in a relationship or getting married has been ingrained in our minds since childhood. Helping a Married Child Financially - Focus on the Family My Husband Uses Me Financially (13 Alarming Signs). Tell him what his behavior towards you makes you feel like and why. I know the first step to making it work (if possible) long-term is to move out from his mom, we need to be on our own..but it's getting to that point that I'm struggling with!!